Monday, March 10, 2008

The Guide to being an "Abusive Fan"

A couple weeks ago, SIoncampus.com published an article concerning the acts of abusive fans and how their actions might be getting out of control. To read the article and see some of the signs they deemed as "too far", just click right over here.

Now, granted I don't go as far as some of these student sections do (cell phones are off limits), but I do enjoy my share of random generic chants toward other players and signs poking fun at anyone or anything you can find.

The thing is, anyone can be a heckler. It can be the new freshman at his first basketball game to that forty year season ticket holder who still hates a team for a shot they hit 25 years ago.

However, it takes some real creativity to turn some players heads and actually make a difference in a game.

So below, I have enlisted the ways to be the most effective in your heckling of opposing teams:

1) Know The Line: If you are going to make a difference, you have to know where the line is and be sure not to cross it. Some places, you cross that line and you won't be back anytime soon. Others and you might get eaten after the game is over if you lose. Knowing the line is important, because that way, you can stand on it and be scott free. For Example, this Steven Hill of Arkansas sign.. is just a little over the line while this Billy Donovan poster... is just down right funny.


2) Somehow Tie Current Events to a Team: Knowing what's going on in the world always makes it easier to heckle teams. Commercials, Hollywood, and National News are always good places to look for things to make a difference in the game. For example, we all remember the E-trade commercials with the talking baby buying stock, which brought about this beauty below about Andy Kennedy of Ole Miss: And you can always talk up your own team if the shoe fits, ex. Justin Knox of Alabama's number is actually 40, so this fit perfectly...

3) Use Every Possible Search Option at Your Fingertips: There is plenty of stuff out there for you to search for. Online Media Guides are always great to discover nicknames or embarrassing stats from High School. Does the player have a brother on another team? Ex. Ben Hansborough plays for Miss. St. His brother, Tyler, is an All-American at North Carolina
Are they from another country? Ex. AJ Ogilvy of Vandy is from Australia
Does the other team always seem to get the recruits you team wants? Ex. Miss. St., just 86 miles from Tuscaloosa.
Did someone get destroyed last time they played you by one of your players? Ex. Lucas Hargrove of Auburn getting posterized by Alabama's Senario Hillman. YouTube it, it was nasty.
And of course, there is always Google. Any crazy picture can be found of any athlete or concerning any particular school. Here is a combination of #2 and #3 which never made it to the floor because it was deemed "inappropriate": and then I used each color of the rainbow to color in the word Auburn. Ok, so maybe it was over the top, but it was ingenious.

4) Forget Traditional Posterboard: Anyone can write a silly limerick on a poster, but to be really effective, it has to be big. The way to get it big is to actually print out your signs. This is where Kinko's enters the picture. Every sign done over the past two years and displayed at the bottom of this post was printed off at the local Kinko's for a very low price in black and white. And it has to be big. For example, this picture right here... was 5 feet by 3 feet tall in all its glory. You know your poster works when it stops a coach coming out of losing at halftime right in his tracks and he gives a "Yea, I remember her" smile. I bet you do, Bruce, I bet you do.

5) Whiteboards: That's right. I am letting people in on my little secret for being the most effective. Whiteboards. By having a whiteboard, you can write almost anything you want that doesn't cross the line. Game stats, drawings, or anything random that comes to you during the game or happens during the game can be referenced on a whiteboard. Who knows, maybe you might end up as one of SI's Superfans of the Week.... Nothing like getting an actual baby doll when going up against LSU and Glen "Big Baby" Davis.

So there you have it, five easy steps to be an "Abusive Fan." And don't worry, by doing the things above, you won't be seen as an abusive fan, but more so as a student doing their job. You are there to give your team a home court advantage, so why not be sure to do the best job you can.